is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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