How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
