New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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