i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She needs sedatives and a leash
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
