I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
