Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
