haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We named our party play list daddy issues
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
