I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
