Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
