Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You made out with two different species that night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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