real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
