if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
