She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
