Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize