If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
