I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
