I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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