So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
