Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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