mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
