white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
