He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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