margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
