i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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