i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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