you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
