six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
