There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
