i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Even my vagina gasped.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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