He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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