areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
