O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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