We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
