Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
