Im at strip club and am horny
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
