My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
how does that bad decision feel?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize