I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
