Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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