I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
