You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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