I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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