So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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