This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize