I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
