This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
