we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
