I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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