Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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