IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
