...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
