Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
