And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
