does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
