actually, I'm a sock model
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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