It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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