If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
