Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
