So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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