she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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