I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
