Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
