Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
