There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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