dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
