ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
