Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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