I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
