I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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