your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
