it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize