I'm so fucking centered right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
