Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
