Your face is a jimmy john
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
