Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
